The ladies we have beside us hide terrible secrets. At the beginning of our love stories, we are too young, too naive and too passionate to even suspect them. It’s only after marriage, when we start to learn to live together in small flats, too small for discretion and intimacy to fit in, that we begin to see the real face of the pure goddess we have chosen to be our bride.
God set up men to fall asleep like babies right after sex. There is a reason for this. If you break this natural law, you do it at your own risk. You might be horrified by what you’ll see. We are talking about shocking images you will never be able to forget.
I remember as if it happened yesterday. I had professionally annihilated two bottles of beer before we get laid, so the pressure on my bladder and some low-level attacks of a hostile mosquito escadrille woke me up. A strange humanoid creature, wearing a turban, with a milky white face skin and big perfectly round green eyes, was laid beside me. I guess she realized I had woken up because she stood up and went to the bathroom. When she came back, she was transformed back into the goddess I loved. I thought I had I nightmare.
Few months after, some lugubrious sounds woke me up in the middle of the night. The full Moon’s pale rays lightened the empty bed and I saw that the bathroom light was on. There was somebody or something there, mourning strange sounds. It seemed to be a pagan incantation, paused by deep mournings. Contradictory thoughts bumped into my mind, “I either screwed a damn werewolf, or I unwillingly witness a strange exorcism ritual.”
I don’t know what betrayed my presence, cause I had no courage to even breath. The creature jumped away, throw me a hunted beast glance, letting the towel she was biting fall down from her teeth.
“What’s up, darling, you have no sleep? I can’t even epilate my self in this house?”
As the years went by, I grew older and wiser and I understood the role and the mechanism of these secret rituals taught from one generation to another. Did you know that the phrase “Come to my place to watch a movie” trigger the girls’ epilation ritual?
Women need to defend their idealized image, to make the men forget that they also grow hair on their body, sweat, and fart as any human being. We should believe that their beauty was determined entirely by our parents-in-law, and it’s not the result of a complex algorithm of complicated and sometimes painful maneuvres. That’s why girls try to avoid being seen when they “get beautiful”. That’s also why beauty salons appeared and prospered.
Well, the technology evolved nowadays. Intense pulsed light (IPL) has been invented and makes all the brown-haired and brunettes happy. This magic tool works neither on blonde and redhead women, nor on mulatto or negress, but if your girl-friend is brown-haired or brunette, invest some bucks and buy her a painless Remington iLIGHT Pro Hair Removal System. The investment will return, as you’ll save the money spent to epilate on beauty salons.
Learn to gift! Release her from the pain of classic epilation. Her happiness will burst over you, too hot for a decent blog like this.